The last 2 months have been WILD, filled with indescribable pain, an unbelievable breakthrough/ revelation, and the most amazing HEALING experiences.
September started with JOY and then the worst news; I lost a family member and it shattered me. The level of perspective I received was astounding. God showed me that life is precious and that it cannot be lived in a constant state of fear and anxiety which is how I was living my life for a while. I received a perspective that simply said, “what is the point of fear when God is ultimately in control and can take and give at any moment?
Decided to take a break from social media because it was teeeew much BUT in that time, God was literary seating with me and my family and revealing and comforting us through it ALL. One of the biggest revelations I received was that PRAISE is the antidote to grief…..when the pain is too deep, you praise HIM. when you have no words, you praise HIM. when you don’t understand, praise HIM……LISTEN this was very hard to wrap my head around because grief is sad, it makes you want to isolate yourself, and it can make you depressed BUT praise is the opposite. It says, thanks, it exhorts, it glorifies, it’s a form of gratitude that the person was here and they left a mark on you. It's no wonder that Nigerians, well the Yorubas don’t wear black to funerals, we wear white or aso ebi….. In the middle of the grief, God is faithful.
These last 2 months have been life-altering and transformative and I knew it was coming, hence my last post about being in transition….but I really didn’t knoooooow the impact of this transition. I am NOT the same person. Behold old things are passed away and you have become a new creation in Christ.
On top of this ALL, God managed to heal my heart of a 10-year-old heartbreak. My church hosted a weekend conference called “Encounter” a few weeks ago. Encounter is NO JOKE. We were there on Friday 6:30 pm-9:30 pm and Saturday 8:30 am - 9:00 pm….It was 16 hours of teaching, tears, prayer, ministry, healing, more tears, more prayer, more healing and I can HONESTLY I have never experienced anything like it. We cried out to God as women and he showed up and did a work of MIGHTY healing in the group.
I came in carrying disappointment, fear, anger, and shame and I left there with none of it. Disappointment towards
The hurt I have felt in past relationships with men,
Disappointments of where I thought my life would be.
Fear of everything;
Fear and anxiety over stepping up and stepping out into what God has called me,
Fear of being disappointed yet again,
Fear of doing or saying the wrong thing.
Fear that the health issues that I have been experiencing would not be healed.
I had anger towards;
My job and some circumstances in the environment make it hard for me
Anger towards my compensation and just anger towards feeling stuck.
I literarily laid it all down and GOD took it, unpacked it, and allowed me to surrender it at the altar, OH WHAT a loving God. I feel sooooooo incredibly blessed to know you and to be your daughter. Since that weekend life has been totally different, the devil has tried me but my God is ultimately bigger.
So where am I today? Healing and hurting at the same time with a FULL understanding that God works all things together for my good. In my connect group at church last night, our leader said something really profound, she said: “the butterfly was IN the caterpillar”. The potential is within you, you do not evolve into something else, you simply BECOME who you were meant to be. Happy shedding folks!
I can’t wait to see what else he has in store. As always thanks for following me on the journey of faith!