"What will people say?" might be KILLING your purpose

The fear of man has plagued me for many many years. 

The fear of “what will people say” has held me back more than 1 time on this journey we call life. 

Growing up as a people pleaser who believed in “keeping the peace” and “doing what’s right” always left me with the short end of the stick. 

But this isn’t about me, it’s about you….What is God calling you to do that you keep stalling on because you’re afraid of what people will say? 

Are you supposed to write that personal story that will change lives? 

Are you supposed to be singing on stage to shift atmospheres?

Are you supposed to be taking that job? Yes, that one that doesn’t pay well, and your parents don’t approve because they have always moved in scarcity and survival mode?

Are you supposed to be in that God honouring relationship that will be a testimony, but are worried that he is a different race and you’re not sure your very African parents will approve? 

Whatever it is, please find the courage from within your spirit to take action. The bible says in Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man is like a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” Do you know what snare means? It means it's a trap! You are judged if you do, judged if you don’t. So you might as well be judged because you are being obedient to Christ; even though people don’t understand what you’re doing. 

NOOOOW let’s use wisdom, please; I’m not here for all the “God said, God said,” but it’s not lining up with the word of God, it's just lining up with your theology or the culture or your comfort zone. Spend time seeking him, understanding His word and the plans He has for you. Don’t just go with the thing that seems ok by the world’s standard; be grounded in Him.

Fearing people and their opinions and judgments will always leave you coming up short because people are, 80-90% of the time, just projecting their fears onto you. 

Wow, why would you move to that country? You know that in that place you won’t get a job oo 

Wow, why would you be friends with that person? You know girls from that part of the world or that tribe (Nigerians, I’m giving you side eye), they don't do XYZ oo

Wow, why would you spend your money on travel? You know that you will be better off buying a house and settling down, right?

Wow, why would you study that program? You know, in ________profession, they don’t make money (for all my creative friends & family that have been subject to this one, on behalf of whoever projected their fears on you, I’m sorry). 

Whatever the situation is, people will ALWAYS project their fears on you, sometimes intentionally because they can’t stand you excelling in the places they were too afraid to go into, OR sometimes they genuinely want the best for you, and their fears get in the way. Give them grace no matter what, but do what God has told you to do! 

Fearing people will have you confused, because their opinion of what is “right or wrong” changes depending on what country they grew up in, what culture they have experienced, what life lessons they have amassed, and everything in between.

I’ve struggled with this one for most of my life. You see, I grew up in Nigeria as a kid, but I grew up in Canada as an adult, and it’s almost an even split. (16 years in Nigeria and 17 years in Canada) I am not solely Nigerian or solely Canadian, I am BOTH. The issue is, Nigerian culture and Canadian culture are almost diametrically opposed 😅. What seems right to a Nigerian seems off to a Canadian and vice versa. 

I used to struggle because the “what will people say?” was not even consistent because it depended on who the people were. As someone who has been going back and forth between Canada & Nigeria for the past 2 years, THIS phenomenon has been soooooo loud in my life. Making cultural mistakes in both contexts can be very very exhausting. 

One culture is highly individual and independence is valued, and the other culture is very collective and the group or family matters over any one individual. 

One culture is overly inclusive of all lifestyles, and one culture can be very exclusive of certain lifestyles 

One culture cares about how they look to others, and one culture cares about how they sound to others 

Neither of them is right or wrong; they just “ARE.”; Funny enough, the Nigerians often feel like I’m “gaslighting them” or “whining them” when my very Canadian mentality jumps out. All of this to say you literally can’t win, so you might as well just follow Jesus! 

Fearing people will leave you with so many doubts about the trajectory of your life. Some people had the traditional route and settled down early, got married, and had kids with a stable job. Some people pursued careers above everything else, and some people are somewhere in the middle, trying to figure it out. If you’re afraid of people, you will conform because you don’t want to “stand out”. Take the time to get to know yourself and who God says you are at any age, and then follow that. Sometimes we think that “learning ourselves” is only when we are young, and by a certain age, we should have figured it out, and if we haven’t, we should just stick to what we have been doing, even if it doesn’t work. 

I am here to tell you today that you can change your mind. You are allowed to change your mind. I always tell people, my BIGGEST accomplishment in life was waking up one day at the age of 28 and realizing that I could change my mind. 

Lastly, fearing people and their opinions or actions can derail your purpose. I know this is heavy, especially for my African brothers and sisters with older parents. It’s not about being disrespectful or dishonouring to them, and it's not about just placating them to keep the peace; it’s about being obedient to God. You guys, the Pharisees killed JESUS because He was offensive to their culture. I know that was a wild segway from African parents to Pharisees (please I’m not trying to be funny, I am just trying to paint an illustration - I love African parents for the love and care they have for their kids). I’m just saying that it is really dangerous to be afraid of people’s opinions. Imagine if Jesus was so afraid that he didn’t go to the cross? You and I won’t be here today. 

So what’s the conclusion? Seek wisdom from others, of course, listen to others and don’t bury your head in the sand BUT don’t be so afraid of “what will people say” that you never live out what God has for you. Go back to the word, study the Bible, seek God's face, listen intently, and then get going! Stop stalling. 

I am personally over it….

I know this was a long one, but I believe someone needed to hear this today! 

Till next time, 

Ibiyemi