More thoughts on finances.....(making money, contentment, chasing purpose & surrender)

I’ve never made stupid money……

I’ve never even earned 6 figures in one calendar year….. 

I’ve never worked for a “globally recognized” brand before….. 

Although these things don’t mean anything in the real context of life, because I know from coaching so many people that things are not always as they seem. 

That BIG ass bank account doesn’t automatically mean security or financial independence 

Those 6 figures, depending on where you sit, could be taxed up to 30-40% which in that case is still 5 figures 🥴

A lot of the so-called “globally recognized” brands are bureaucratic at best, racist & toxic at worst, and often leave people feeling like they're just a number.

So why (knowing what I know) am I still annoyed at what I earn? 

I know that as a Christian, God is my source, and my bank account doesn’t define me (FAT or NOT) 

I also know that I have NEVER gone without. I still eat where I want to eat, travel on trips I want to go on (24 countries and counting), buy the clothes I want, and give in the way I want to.

I also know that I’m smart….I know how to make money, I know how to manage money, I know how to budget, save & invest but yet this anxiety around money still exists…..

I don’t know, I guess I thought at 33 I would be “balling out of control” 🤩 😂

It doesn’t help that the internet steadily shows us 21-year-old millionaires making money from TikTok dances (I’m not jealous, I swear lol), but like lord, “where are my millions? or at least $100s of thousands?” 

What’s that joke? “Asking God to test you with a ridiculous amount of money” 

I mean, I am NOWHERE near where I started my career….especially as an entrepreneur. Some of the deals you will sign will have you thinking, “Did someone just pay me $5K for a 1-hour talk?”, but then you have to pay salaries, business bills, programs, etc.  

The running joke in entrepreneurship circles is like you can have $10K on Monday, $15 on Tuesday, -$34500 on Wednesday, and $400k by Thursday…..the rollercoaster gives me whiplash sometimes. 

As someone who is actively trying to learn not to tie their bank balance to their identity, it's been an interesting season in surrendering to God. 

Like lord, I don’t know again. I’ve done all the “right” things: I went to great schools, got good-ish grades, went to grad school, got internships, promotions, bigger companies, management roles, quit the toxic job, leaned into entrepreneurship, launched programs, and worked with corporations. I learned how to live within my means, not spending on credit cards, saving, investing, and budgeting my money, and yet… the “peace” over my finances that the world sold is not “peacing,” at least not in the way I thought it would. Will this pit in my stomach when it’s accounting time ever disappear? 

I guess we are going through yet another round of submitting my finances to God, and I’ve got questions. 

Will it ever get easier? 

Will making more money ever “truly satisfy”? 

Will I always feel like I’m chasing the bag and getting lost in the sauce? 

It’s like the bible verse that says, What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his soul or the one that says whoever wants to hold on to their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will gain it. Am I just in a place where God’s plan for my future has to be enough? Like, chasing purpose has to just be enough? 

I don’t know….. 

I guess my job is to cast my cares on Him. Someone helped me see this differently recently, she said, "surrender is not just about putting it at the feet of Jesus, it's also knowing that when you put it down, Jesus picks it up". It’s not like there’s no one there watching it; it just doesn’t have to be you. 

Lord, my prayer is that I stay focused on purpose rather than $$, that I can serve the people you want me to serve, and that you bring contentment to my spirit. Not complacency that says you’re fine where you’re at, but not this relentless chasing of the next bag either. 

I pray all of this in Jesus' name. Thank you, lord, in advance for this transformation you are doing on my mind. I am deeply grateful.

Till next time,

Ibiyemi