The last couple of months have been so busy with travel and I love it BUT I also deeply hate it lol….hear me out, I love the meeting up with friends and family, exploring a new city, their culture, their food, activities, and pushing myself out of my comfort zone…BUT I also hate the traveling process, the waiting around in airports, seating in unnatural spots on tiny airplane seats being overstimulated by people’s smells, crying babies, and people bumping into you (I always seat in the aisle). I also hate the pre-travel anxiety of “did I pack the right things?, do I have enough money?, have I properly planned the activities?” What am I going to eat”, sleeping in new beds, and being outside of my normal routine….it can be so destabilizing.
Why am I sharing all of this, well because I started to ask myself why do I “love travel” and “experiences” if I always feel so drained afterward? Basically, what I half concluded is that I have FOMO but I don’t think it’s my fault! I don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to socialize with friends and do that fun thing or experience BUTTTTT I also don’t want to miss out on my routine of self-care, healthy lifestyle, and adulting. I want to hang out with my friends on the weekend but I also need to run errands, clean my room, do my laundry, and spend time with myself and God. I think one of my issues is that I think everything is important and needs to be completed consistently in order to “live my best lifeeeee” but in reality, I need to learn prioritization especially because I have a FULL life. It’s like that old saying that says “Women can’t have it all”....... My mom actually helped me think about things differently because she always says “You CAN have it all, but not at the same time”. I think that as a generation, we have ALL been sold this lie that we need to “live our best life” all the time! All day, every day we consume content about people “living their best lives”...People are traveling, hanging out with bae, going to work and killing it in their careers, going to the gym, and eating healthy. They are doing games night, girls' night out, and staying up to date on the latest skincare, fashion, beauty, music, and social media trend. Don’t forget that people are also encouraged to “take care of themselves” and cultivate self-awareness and growth through journaling, mediation, prayer, therapy, reading, learning, and self-development….Ahn Ahn “are you not tiredt?” It’s NO surprise that everyone I speak to, feels like they are not doing their best in 1-5 areas of their lives and therefore feel like they “can be doing more”. Do you know why your to-do list to neverending?? Because you are doing too much! I am just now realizing that “LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE” is a scam.
Do you know what it means to live your “BEST” life? It means to show up as your BEST self in your life?? I am sorry but that is UNATTAINABLE. You can’t give 100% to everything!!! Your day has limited energy resources and capacity, and you literary can’t do your BEST in every area of your life, so please FREE yourself. If you are a Millenial or even an older Gen Z, please free yourself from this narrative that says you must look your best, feel your best, and experience your best every single day, it is not real life. A few weeks ago I posted on my Instagram stories about the constant “everydayness” of adulting. The fact that you have to eat every day, clean every week, wash your face, take your vitamins, go to the gym, hang out with friends but also travel, and have a hobby and how it seemed like a LOT. I posted it on my stories and just went to bed. In the morning I had like 25 responses of people saying variations of “same” and sharing their own stuff and the ways they cope….Ofcourse as millennials who use humor as a coping mechanism, I got ALOT of memes and self-deprecating jokes. 1 mom said to me “out of the 3 of us - my husband, myself, and my son, only 1 of us is eating every day 😂”. A few people sent me “life hacks” and things they do on Sunday to prepare for the week. (Side note - do yall know there are SEVERAL Instagram pages like “thelazygenius” filled with life hacks to manage yourself as a millennial). Some other people said they sometimes feel guilty because they are “letting the ball drop”. Another mom legit said to me “oh I love my kids and my husband but sometimes I feel like dying would be easier” 😱 and then she said LOL but they are cute so you know “it’s worth it”. I think by the end of that day I had over 40 people reach out to me because of what I posted and till today people still mention it. So WHYYYYY?? Why are we all running ourselves ragged all in the name of “living our best life” or even “soft life”? I think we have just found another way to put pressure on ourselves.
Our parent's generation and even GenX ers were all about getting the latest car, the promotion, or the biggest house and we are all about who “seems” like they have the best life on social media. It’s truly madness when you think about it. We follow so-called “lifestyle” influencers, influencing us to buy the latest product to make our lives easier, more comfortable, and better BUT those influencers are not even doing the very thing they are influencing, they are simply creating content…..The latest one that blew my mind was when this fashion influencer did a “day in a life” of a content creator video. She lives in New York so she left her house to take pictures of herself doing different things in New York and showcasing her outfit. Every couple of shots she would find a corner on the street with her assistant and a tarp and would change into a different outfit and take some more pictures, almost like it was a different day….. WHAT in the hell??? Then I as a “content consumer” will now feel bad that I don’t have as many things to do as her when her life isn't even real. And I know we all know that social media isn’t real but It can be sooooo insidious. Do you know that there are influencers that influence “ daily vitamins” for gossake….As someone who has recently come into some health problems and has to take daily supplements/medications, I get so hard on myself when I miss a day of my supplements. In my head, I was beating myself up because I thought “you are an ADULT” you should remember to take your supplements, I even went as far as getting a pill box, setting alarms, and using a $22 habit tracker app just to remember to take the damn meds….What I realized recently though is that I live in a constant state of overwhelm and when you are overwhelmed you CANNOT think logically or rationally. The reality is, I don’t take the supplements often because I get CRAZY side effects from it like chronic stomach pains, cramping, bloating, constipation etc. so subconsciously I don’t feel good on the medication so I don’t want to take it. I was telling my therapist about it and basically saying, “I just need to be more disciplined and set up better habits and consistency would come” and she was like nah Ibiyemi, just tell your doctor to change the meds. In my state of overwhelm I didn’t think that was even an option. Nevertheless, I asked my doctor to change the meds and she prescribed something new but guess what I still didn’t order it for 3 weeks because I kept forgetting.
ALLLLLL of this to simply say, I am overwhelmed, tiredt and burntout on adulting…..I am coping by creating routines and trying to be “kinder” to myself BUT I think I need to change the way I fundamentally think about adulting. Maybe instead of living your BEST life, maybe it's being present in your life for the BEST moments, the mundane mediocre ones, and the downright horrible one. Maybe it’s creating stronger boundaries and letting go of FOMO and less social media and its influencers. I don’t have the answers but I know I can’t keep living like this.
If you can relate at all and have somehow figured some of it out, and I’m not talking about “life hacks” PULEASEEE I cannot learn about anything new…. shoot me a message. I want to simplify my life but I genuinely don’t know how.
Thanks again for sitting through my ramblings, till next time
BYEEEEEEE
Ibiyemi