I know I'm getting better day by day but what’s the end date? When is healing complete?
One thing I have certainly learned is that documenting the journey is SOOOO important. When I went back to work after 3 months off I could sense that I was such a different person than who I was prior. Now 1 week after resigning, I’m even more different. I was wondering what had changed. I know that I've been leaning into God more but I also wanted to know what explicitly had changed. So I went searching in my notes app and stumbled across a note I started in April titled “Burnout series” and WOW I was surprised. First of all, I COMPLETELY forgot that this note even existed, your brain has a way of sabotaging you and making you believe that you're not “healing” fast enough. Anyway, this note had about 8 entries over many days between April and May and wow, I don’t deeply resonate with that girl. It felt like I was reading a note about a really sad girl that I don’t fully understand anymore. Although I know intellectually that girl was me and is me I don’t feel her pain anymore, I empathize with it but I don’t feel it in my body anymore. If that’s not a miracle I don’t know what is.
Now I understand logically that I'm no longer that girl, but does that mean I'm not still healing? And I think the answer is that I am in recovery and recovery is going to take as long as it needs to take. Recovery is just as important as going through it. I was listening to a sermon and the person talked about how surgery is all about cutting, breaking, removing, fixing, and mending but recovery is about resting, setting, and “taking care” so that post-surgery infections don’t happen.
The tendency of our generation to go through something and then want to monetize our experience is TOOOOOO deep and I have never been a fan of it. It’s giving “12 steps to quit your job and create a $7 trillion dollar empire, click the link in my bio”. I’ve always said “Just because you went through something doesn’t mean you can do a course on how to do the same thing!” Everybody’s variables are different; people have different paths…for all you know, you only succeeded because of the grace of God. I would rather go back, study the topic, become an expert, hear other stories, get a certification and maybe ONLY then can I help others ….THAT is unless you are called by God to do it.
And that is exactly what happened to me the other day. In sharing about my journey on Instagram, women have been reaching out and i’ve been connecting with them, and clear as day, God told me to do a program to help women suffering from burnout. Because I’ve been on this journey of “radical obedience” I said yes BUT then PTSD and Imposter Syndrome kicked in almost immediately. Since I've learned to take things to God, that’s what I did and this is essentially how our conversation went.
Me: I’m legit still recovering. How can I help others? Also, I don’t want to burn out again, planning a program takes work, and marketing and preparation, etc. I am already tiredt God.
God: ...... silence……
Me: OK, I need confirmation that this is you and not me so I will wait until I hear from you
**The next day, a random friend who knows NOTHING about this conversation said “ I feel like God is calling you to do some sort of program to help women who are suffering from burnout especially because you just went through it.
Me: OK God, “that was fast” LOL…..but I’m still tired lord. If you want me to do this, I need help
God: I’ll do it
Me: OK, cool thanks…..faith without works is dead right? so I will start the normal process of program building “ brainstorming”. Lord, I’m tired so I’m going to put a 1 hour timer on my phone to brainstorm some ideas but I'm not going to push myself more than that.
**45 mins later, not only did I have ideas but I had the ENTIRE program mapped out with the topic, case studies, timeline, marketing, pricing, brand name, everything…..
Me: Thanks Jesus, that was really fast……. 1 more thing lord, marketing makes me feel icky, the idea of peddling “my story”, my pain, my journey as a commodity makes me uncomfortable…. I’ve been writing this blog for 3 years and I’ve never asked for anything, I don’t want to do it;
God: Don’t worry about it, Take a break, I've got this covered.
**The next day, I went to a small group meeting at church, can you guess what the topic was? “don't waste your pain”, “lean into the uncomfortable” “if God called you, he called you and he will sustain it”
Me: OKKKKKKKKK lord, I’ve heard lol…I trust you.
SO in the spirit of obedience, I'm launching a mini-program called “Recover from Burnout” (from a work and life perspective). It’s 2 sessions because that’s all I have to give.
Session 1: Why are you Burnt out?
Session 2: How can you take steps to start the healing process?
It's in October over 2 weekends, Saturday mornings 10am -11am. Oh also it costs $250, which is my current hourly rate of $120 as a career coach * 2 + the fees to run stripe (payment app).
That’s it…..if it resonates with you, if God speaks to you(actually pray about it) then sign up; if it doesn’t resonate tell a friend.
K i’m done, if you want to talk about it after you’ve prayed about it…shoot me an email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Ahhh this is so uncomfortable……..I guess this is my life now, doing uncomfortable things with God.
Oh well, till next time