Talking to Jesus _what’s good?! Part 1
So…..hey God, how’s it going? I’m sure you’re good because you’re likeeeeee GOD and all 😂. Anyhu, its me, Ibiyemi, you’re daughter, the one in Toronto, yea me…… So here’s the sitch, I’ve been waiting on some things and I’m just wondering, where is it at?..... No rush, but like what’s the ETA? Oh you want me to be patient? I can be patient, but I just need some signs that I’m on the right track……
Welllll …….I know you are trying to teach me something, so what is it? Oh, you want me to surrender? Hmmm that’s a BIG one…..
See the reason why surrendering is really hard for me is because I am lowkey(HIGHKEY) a control freak. I’m also really independent so relying on other people is hard for me. Lastly, because I’m also a competent person (thanks for that) I feel like I can do things all by myself and it will work out. So you see, I struggle with control issues and wanting to manage the narrative but I also know that for the next season I really have to lay it down.
So here it is, in black and white …. I want to lay it down.
1. I lay down my timelines – I used to say #borabora2020 was going to be the hashtag for my wedding; and it used to be a joke but somewhere deep down I believed it, even though let’s be honest I was NO wear near ready to be anyone’s wife by 2020.
2. I lay down my insecurities – this one is hard because I don’t even like to recognize that I have insecurities because my pride is too much BUT I got them. I don’t want to be jealous or envious, or lonely or insecure about my bawdyyyyy but sometimes I am. So I lay it down.
3. I lay down my smarts – I know that I have a lot of knowledge, I can learn almost anything and apply it, BUT honestly, I know you are asking me to lay it down. I know the world says, “knowledge is power” but I want to believe that “you are power” and as long as I have you, I’m fine.
4. I lay down my “resourcefulness” – Oh I’m so scrappy, I have the network, I know who to call, I know how to get information, I know how to communicate effectively to get what I want BUT your will is ultimately what’s important.
5. I lay down my actions – father lord, I am a Nigerian woman, strength is my middle name. I can do A LOT of things and I can do it WELL but not all things are worth doing. I also need to remember that I am a human “being” not a human “doing” who can get caught up in “DOING” things to advance myself rather than just BEING still and knowing you are God.
6. I lay down my fears – lastly, God I lay down the fears that keep me up; I lay down the negative stories I have said to myself, I lay down the anxious thoughts and feelings, I lay down the opinion of others and all the many rabbit holes I spiral down. I lay it all down and I pick up your TRUTH! You truth that says I am victorious, your truth that says YOU are with me through the valleys, You truth that ultimately means FREEDOM.
Lord, I know I WILL forget that I have laid these things down, so please REMIND me in those moments of panic or habit when I decide to pick them up again.