Starting over in your 30’s…..navigating change, resilience, and hoping for the best.

The end of 2025 marked a significant level of change and transition for me, and those of you who have walked with me personally know the rollercoaster of emotions it has been.

 For whatever reason (maybe shame?) I haven’t been able to write.

Let’s get the basic details out of the way: 

In the space of 6 months….

I moved back to Nigeria after living in Canada for 17 years 

My relationship with someone I thought was going to be my husband ended

God asked me to do a 180 pivot on my business and let go of Career coaching 

To say my nervous system has been in a constant state of unrest is an understatement. 

When you go through multiple seasons that end for good reasons or bad reasons, you can’t help but feel grief. It's normal. It’s healthy. It’s sometimes all-consuming. It’s heavy, and it's NOT linear. Some days I wake up, and I’m grateful that God kept me, and I trust Him to heal my heart, and some days it is sooooo heavy. 

The overwhelming narrative I keep telling myself is “This is not where I thought my life would be at 33”. Living at home with my parents, single, childless, and starting a new career. Don’t get me wrong, God has been faithful, and I see the blessings He has given me, I have a beautiful life AND …..I grieve the version I had envisioned as a little girl, and those two things can be true at the same time. 

The only person who has articulated this for me is a creator on Instagram named Chika, who talks about “timeline grief”. I had never heard that term before, but she describes it as “feeling like you're behind”, feeling like you’re living someone else’s life and have to be endlessly happy for the life you have, even if you’re sad for the life you thought you might have. 

In my case, this timeline grief is compounded with ACTUAL grief of leaving a country, ending a relationship, and closing a business. It’s ALL real. Even though I’m smiling and engaging in this new season of my life, the pain of loss is still very real, AND its going to take however long it’s going to take to heal. 

Do you know how mad it is to go from living a life with someone, planning a future with them, and then not talking to them again? That sh*t is crazzzzy….why did no one tell me that going through a breakup in your 30s hits different?! Like a month ago, I was in love with someone, and today I’m supposed to act like I’m over it because the relationship is over? Nah, it’s wild….and you know me, I love deep. 

Leaning on my village in this season has been EVERYTHING and more. The women who have held me up figuratively and literally, words cannot describe how much I love you. God knew I would need praying women by my side. 

Outside of the breakup, the transition in business has been so full of doubt….I’ve been doing something for 10 years, and in not so subtle ways, God is like I need you to PIVOT. Like, I need you to help people build businesses instead. I need you to speak life into entrepreneurs and future entrepreneurs. I need you to stop taking career clients….matter of fact, that 8-week career program you are about to launch, cancel it. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been in the career space for 10 years and the entrepreneurship space for less than 2ish years?? MOOOOVE. I’m doing something new, can you not perceive it? To be honest, this one was a mixed bag of emotions. On one end, I wanted to step away from traditional career coaching; on the other end, was I ready to step fully into the entrepreneurship realm? Not sure. 

And then we have the culmination of this trifecta, which was the move to Nigeria….I don’t know how to describe this other than, I knew it was time, but I wasn’t ready LOL. I knew my Canadian chapter was over, but I wasn’t ready for my Nigerian chapter to begin….So once again, I’m forced into a decision that affects “future Ibiyemi” positively but terrifies “present Ibiyemi”.

Long story short, I’m not ok, BUT I will be eventually.

There’s no need to bounce back from life-changing transitions. 

There’s no medal for who can get over grief fastest. 

There’s no applause for suppressing your hurt or bypassing your healing so other people can feel comfortable. 

There’s also no need to compare your journey to other people’s stories AND 

There’s certainly no need to minimize your pain, “oh so many people have it worse, yes, and it still freaking hurts over here”. 

One thing I’ve learned throughout this journey is “guard your heart”. Not in an overly protective, will never put myself out there, won’t share anything, and hide from everyone way. But in a “wow, this hurts, and you’re vulnerable, so not everyone can hold space for you way”. ONLY God can truly heal me. 

The shame of “starting over” almost shut me up. I could feel myself closing off to friends and family, saying things like “why is my own always different,” or just judging my life like I’m not God’s daughter. The truth is….Everyone I know is navigating some level of life-altering change in their 30s. People are having babies, losing jobs, getting divorced, moving countries, starting businesses, pivoting careers, and wading through hard things. I am not the first, and I won’t be the last. On most days, it's super encouraging, and on other days, it just sucks. 

I guess all I’m saying is if you’re “starting over” (whatever that means to you), allow yourself to grieve the old you and give yourself time to become the new you. Unprocessed grief will make you sick, and pretending like you're ready to become can harm you. Ultimately, tell

the truth about where you are…. even if you don’t really want to be there. God will meet you there.

That’s all I got….

Till next time, 

Ibiyemi