• Ibiyemi Balogun

Online dating in a PANINI PRESS......chronicles of a millennial girl trying to find love haha.



All I want to do is ultimately connect with someone ……..

So at the beginning of the year, I said this was my year to love....like romantically *gasps*! All these years that I’ve been saying “I'm looking for a husband” have just been banter BUT this year, this was my year.

So the year started off good, met a guy, things were going well, he was moving UBER fast, but ultimately I liked him so I was going at my pace. All of a sudden things came to a screeching HALT (check out my last post!) and to be honest, I’m not mad at that. He ultimately wasn’t it but I told God, this was my year to love so what was left was to dust off, learn my lessons and keep it pushing.

I told God that I didn’t want to go back and do online dating, but as COVID and Ontario will have it, we are on our 145367th day of lockdown…….so what does a millennial woman have to do? Well, sometimes she has to go to apps and talk to men the same way she orders breakfast on uber eats hhahahah……..that’s exactly what the apps feel like, to be honest. Nevertheless, I told my roomie, “we have to get back online, please do it with me, I don’t want to experience this alone”. So we set a LAUNCH date as April 23, 2021, (friday night )because I would have finished class by then. We got together, updated our profiles, tried to be witty, picked pictures that were "cute yet strong", casual yet “DON’T TALK TO ME ANYHOW” and worldly *** when travel was still a thing.

Well it's been 6 days, because we ended up launching on Saturday, (we forgot about our Friday date hahah ) and woooow the STRUGGLE is real. So to keep things light, I have compiled some of the weird, funny and underwhelming conversations from the last week…..because when a millennial girl is tired she uses humor to mask her disappointment 😅 😅

Of course, all identities have been blurred etc…..

Without further ado…..here there are

1. The weird black power, ho-teppy GUY

**hotep - someone who has got a little carried away in their support for Afrocentrism and has taken on board a variety of conspiracy theories and pseudo/cryptohistory connected with it



For those of you that a LUCKY enough to not know, these are 2 different apps…..Hinge is purple and Bumble is yellow (with bumble, the girl has to make the first “move”, so I usually say normal things like a compliment or something referring to their profile.) But I’m not sure why men say weird things like Melanin glow with pretty white pearls……what does that even mean? Also, this is RIGHT out the gate, like is that really what you are leading with?? I guess some girls might like it but for me it a little cringy, so needless to say I didn’t respond.

2. The GUY that talked about my BAWDY



This one I posted in my close friend's instastories because I was stressed…..so I asked my girls for some prayer….Also heads up to guys, this might sometimes happen, girls look for help and advice from their friends, you might be in some group chats 👀. What weirded me out, was that this was not the first comment, he had said a few weird things before….it initially started as a compliment, oh I like the picture of you in the red dress, I’m like oh ok thanks, then he went on about how he likes that I’m modest, yet still sexy 🙂 . I ignored it and tried to change the topic but he didn’t get the point. So after this exchange, I sent him a message saying something along the lines of “it’s a little weird to talk about a woman’s body non-stop it might make them uncomfortable. Before I got to see his response, he “unmatched” and I was like GREAT, I don't have to do it.

3. The GUY that compared me to his EX

I forgot to get a screenshot before I ended the conversation, but his intro was basically, hi you are pretty and you remind me of someone, I foolishly responded by saying “oh really? Who?” and he said “like my next girlfriend” and I chuckled…..its a fair line, guys are allowed to use pick up lines. What was weird was then he said, “no but for real, you actually look like my EX, but it didn’t work out because she was XYZ (something negative) and I feel like you are better looking and might have more sense” and that was a RED FLAG 🚩for me.

I love women, and I really don’t like when guys put down other women in an attempt to compliment me it just makes me feel icky, plus I think it’s a little lazy….

4. The GUY that got “Upset” because I didn’t want to give him my number.

I say “upset” in quotes because he tried to do some weird reverse psychology/gaslighty thing with me.


This one, was MAD stressful…..imagine being a woman that was easily manipulated by men? I feel like it’s a little unfair to use this type of language so needless to say we unmatched……


I had some other “nice” conversations that didn’t go anywhere and I have a few somewhat interesting ones, but wow this pandemic has changed the landscape of dating (even online). I think people are generally more tired, are not as responsive, or have nooooothing to say. I keep telling myself it only takes the 1, but ladies, I am quickly losing steam.

BUT yea….that’s been my experience so far, wish me luck, send good vibes, pray for me (whatever you believe), your girl is TIYAD.



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