Let’s talk about expectations…..

So many of us have expectations… expectations for our career, our love life, our hobbies, our lifestyle, and everything in between. We want all those things to look a certain way, and those ways are largely influenced by our external world, social media, or trying to escape what we had growing up. 

Knowingly or unknowingly, we let the algorithms tell us what we want from our lives. We imbibe it and we form ideas and then we internalize it before ever even asking ourselves “what do we ACTUALLY want”. 

There was a time when everyone was flying business or 1st class, and it looked like that was the only acceptable way to fly. I know of people who won’t travel if they can’t afford first-class tickets, and that to me is so WILD. It can also work the other way, where you intentionally want to go against the “mainstream culture” just because it’s the mainstream culture and not because you have a separate conviction. 

So many of us are walking around with expectations of our lives that we don’t even want. 

Expectations like….

I’m supposed to climb the corporate ladder and be a manager, director, VP, and C-suite exec 

I’m supposed to get married and have kids by a certain again or else I will be considered a failure

I’m supposed to buy a big house in the suburbs and have 1.2 kids with a white picket fence 

OR the non-mainstream ones like….

I’m supposed to travel the world in my 20s and 30s, take odd jobs, but see the world nonetheless

I’m supposed to date around, not settle down, “do it for the plot” until I’m ready for a family 

I’m supposed to explore so many career options so that I can start a business and be a millionaire 

The truth is, there is no blueprint way to live a life…I truly believe that you live the life that God wants you to live, and if you’re not careful, you can make an idol out of your expectations and miss the life God wants for you. 

I'll give you an example: I was talking to a friend yesterday who had been job searching for almost a year before she found her current job. She was looking for something specific and was expecting it to come in a specific package. When she finally got the job that she has now, she was depressed. The packaging was different, and she couldn’t recognize that this was what she had been praying for. She felt really sad about it and didn’t update her LinkedIn profile, downplayed the opportunity to her friends, and secretly started applying again because surely this couldn’t be it. 

How many of us are sad/miserable because of the “package” we expected? How many of us just need to apply a different perspective? Sometimes the difference between your miracle breakthrough and your potential downfall is “how you look at it”. AND this goes in reverse as well. You expected that once you reached a certain milestone, you would be happy, and then you reached the milestone and you feel NOTHING. Speaking from experience, that is one of the most painful experiences because you feel like you can’t really complain to anyone because you got exactly what you wanted and it didn’t fulfil….So what do you do at that point? 

The world will tell you, “don’t have expectations so that you don’t get hurt or disappointed”; or “expect the worst so when it happens, at least you’re prepared to shoulder it”.

I’ve found that the key is to have expectations, even HIGH expectations, but let go/surrender what we think it should look like or feel like. Live with an open hand, so God can place in your hand what He has for you. Remember, God’s plans for you are soooooo much better than the plans you have for yourself.

 I mean, if you had told me that I would quit my “high flying” job, live between Canada and Nigeria, and be a full-time entrepreneur in my early 30s, I would have said, “whose life are you talking about?”. I’ve said it once and I'll say it again, “my life falling apart the way that it did 2 years ago, was the best thing to ever happen to me”. Not because i’ve created a successful business, not because I get to live the best of both worlds (Lagos in the winter, Toronto in the summer), not because I get to be around my family and watch my nieces and nephew grow up, not even because I met my man 🥰….all those things are great! BUT the conviction I have in God and His plan? Now that is something I can never deny again. It took my entire life falling apart and me fully surrendering to realize that as long as I’m obedient to God, I’m going to be ok. Don’t get me wrong, being obedient to God doesn’t mean everything is always going to be peachy and rosy and my expectations are always going to be met 😂😂(don’t get it twisted)... but it does mean that I have hope that if God is in control? It’s best to lay down my false sense of control and follow Him because His plan is just better. 

Let me ask you this….

What are you trying not to expect today for fear of disappointment? Expect AGAIN

What promise has God given you that you are holding on to? Believe AGAIN

In what ways has God answered your prayer, but you have discounted or even ruined it because it doesn’t look like the right package? Check AGAIN

God is calling us, myself included, to change our perspective. He is doing a new thing, can you not perceive it?

Business is down? That may not mean you're failing, that might mean He is setting things up for a better business. 

Your love life is dry? That may not mean you “need to put yourself out there,” it may mean, trust me in this season, I’m preparing you for your husband, OR I’m trying to strip this idol you have created about marriage.

Your visa got rejected? That may not mean you need to double down and apply 10 more times; it may mean total dependence on God and trusting in his timing.

Whatever the case may be, sit with God, tell Him where it hurts, cry out your eyes if you need to, but whatever you do, don’t lose hope that God is with you! 

That’s it….I’m done (if you like, don’t listen 😅) 

See you in the next one 

Ibiyemi