If you had told me at the beginning of the year, that I was going to quit my job without a solid plan/another job, I would have laughed heartily in your face but alas, here we are….it has taken a lot to get to this decision but it’s ultimately for the best. My last day is Thursday and it’s such a bitter/sweet moment because although I will miss the place that shaped me, and grew me, I am ready to let go.
When God told me he wanted me to rest at the beginning of the year, this is not what I had in mind, but His ways are not my ways. Although it’s very out of character for me to do something like this, I am sooooo at peace with my decision because God is ultimately the one driving it and what can I say, I am in my season of radical obedience as I mentioned in my last blog.
Without further ado, this is my very personal resignation letter that describes exactly how I’ve felt over the last couple of months. I have written, edited, and tweaked it many times so there are varying levels of transparency but I think I’m somewhat happy with where it is now.
Dear former employer,
You gave me some of the BEST opportunities over the last 6 years BUT unfortunately, it came at a really high price. Although I want to blame you for my poor mental state, I, unfortunately, cannot because I consented to your treatment because I assumed you would take care of me.
You housed some of the BEST people, BEST facilities, BEST benefits, and cutting-edge work but the folks in the middle? Unfortunately, you forgot about us. You drained me, broke my soul, and made me doubt myself daily. I don’t want to give you too much power because, at the end of the day, you are a system! Those of us in the middle, your middle managers, the grinders, the ones somehow responsible for strategy but are still very much boots on the ground. The ones that simultaneously loved and hated their jobs. The ones who had the impossible task of thinking about the past, day-to-day, and the future without adequate compensation, resources, or space to think clearly. You neglected us; you took care of everyone else but forgot us and made us feel like we couldn’t complain because you provided so much upfront.
So here is my resignation; I can no longer participate in the middle, I can’t manage another day and apparently that is the same for my colleagues across campus. I have heard from SEVERAL middle managers in other faculties who have burned out, fizzled out, resigned, quit, and left on leave because you failed to protect and care for us! I don’t know if you even know this is happening but look through your records. It's a full-on problem. I am one person and I can’t go up against a system so I am removing myself.
Enough about you…….As for me, this has been a learning experience for the BOOKS! I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I thought. I’ve learned that you can be grateful and also deeply unhappy. I’ve learned that you can bring it to God to soothe you and that he can empower you to say enough and to make changes for your future. I’ve learned that it’s okay to listen to your body and to take breaks more often than I did. I’ve learned that I’m not a failure, the system just didn’t allow me to thrive long-term. Will I make this mistake again? Probably but will I recognize sooner ABSOLUTELY and that’s all I can hope for.
So to you, former employer thank you for the BEST and WORST years, I am BEYOND appreciative and also TICKED off but I won’t remain this way for long. I am grateful but I can’t stay; I’ve got to put myself first because I spent soooo many years putting you before me.
Signed;
Devastated and Ecstatic former employee.
The annoying, yet biggest sign of maturity/growing up is understanding that two opposing things can be true at the same time. Living in this messy middle is apparently going to be my life until God tells me what the next step is.
Alsooooo, side note, I would love it, if you just prayed for me in this season. I would also love it if you could kindly resist the urge to ask me “So, what’s next for you?” I don’t really know 😅, maybe work on my business, maybe rest, maybe write a book….who even knows? The only thing I know for sure is that i’m on my way to healing.
Till next time;
The girl that lowkey “blew up her life”
Ibiyemi