I found myself feeling guilty about not posting on the blog in the last 2/3 months….. Lately, my mind has gone to the narrative of “Well you can’t ever stick to anything so why are you surprised you haven’t posted in 3 months; you should know by now that you are not a consistent person etc.”...... What’s funny is, before going into this blog thing I said to myself that I was doing it for me, and it’s not about other people or pressure to post, etc. I said to myself “when you feel like you have something to say then you should say it” but this is NOT going to be something you “carry on your head”. BUT here I am judging myself for falling short of a commitment I didn’t even make to myself…..now if that’s not some level of madness, I don’t know what is.
Anyhow, I was explaining this conundrum to my therapist and she was like ok Ibiyemi let’s look at what changed between the summer when you posted consistently and now where you haven’t. So I made a quick list for her;
1. In the summer I only took one 6-week course in the MBA and now I’m taking two 12- week courses.
2. In the summer I worked a job that I had been doing for 2.5 years and in the last 2 months, I applied, interviewed, and started a brand-new job that is outside my comfort zone.
3. In the summer, I was just a passive MBA student and in the fall, myself and another girl in the program started a brand-new student group in September – shout out to BBGSA Black Business Graduate Students Association.
4. In the summer, the office was slower, and everyone knows that September/October is just insanely BUSY months if you work in a university/post-secondary.
5. In the summer I was doing some speaking engagements here and there BUT in the fall I created a WEBSITE for my business from scratch and started taking on more clients on the weekends…..(also weird side note, the website exists BUT I can’t bring myself to promote it or even tell anyone about it because #fear, so don’t ask me about it lol, if you find it then you find it lol).
And with that she was like GURL you have a lot on your plate, of course, you can’t be consistent here and also you own this blog it's up to you to set the pace……
I still had one more argument if you can believe it, but to tell you about the argument I have to first paint the picture and provide context. About 1 week ago, I got on a plane to Lagos, Nigeria for my mom’s 60th birthday and I will be here till the new year. What most people don’t know is that I am still working full time, however, now I am working in a different time zone, 6 hours ahead so working hours are now (3 pm -11 pm). I am also still in school doing evening classes (6:30 pm -9:30 pm in Toronto which is 12:30 am -3:30 am Lagos time.) Ok back to my argument with my therapist.
I was like “well I’m in Nigeria right now working Canadian hours so I don’t start work till 3 pm Lagos time which means I have this HUGE advantage in terms of time that can be used productively…..” and before I could continue she stopped me in dead in my tracks and said, “you didn’t gain more time, that’s not how time works!!”. You still have 24 hours in a day like everyone else where you need an adequate balance between rest, sleep, and working hours so you need a routine that will allow you to do that…..here’s what my routine for the last week has been “waking up at 8 am Lagos time, doing my devotion till about 8:30/9 am; being productive from 10-2 pm, taking a break and then starting work at 3 pm. I would then be at work till 11 pm and then sleep at midnight/1 am.….and she was like no wonder you are exhausted all the time, your life in Toronto didn’t stop when you flew to another country it just shifted and you can’t be up and productive for 16 hours straight you will lose your mind…..I was like hmm you may have a point there. All that to say "GURL give yourself a DAMN BREAK!" Sooo moving forward, I will be chilling till work starts at 3 pm, someone should come and beat me.
As a side note, I had a breakthrough with my dad yall!! He helped me with my strategy assignment last night!!!! In all my 28 years of life on this earth, I don’t think my dad has ever helped me with my homework. It was weird and fascinating because I realized that he solves problems out loud!!! I do that too like he was thinking through things externally and making connections and I realized that maybe that is a trait that we share so that’s exciting……what’s even more exciting was that after the assignment he was like “wow that was intensive” you guys are really learning tough stuff! It’s almost like a full-time job doing your MBA and you are already in a full-time job, you must be really tired balancing it all (k so I’m paraphrasing…..because a Nigerian dad could never express like this) but he basically said a few things and what I heard was wow, you work hard and you are NOT just “playing around” in Canada like I maybe had once thought and I admire your work ethic! Omo!!!!!! The way I was like “YESSSSSS”, that’s all I ever wanted: for him to notice that I’m working hard and I’m in Canada for a reason…..just a few days before he had mentioned I should take a 1 year sabbatical from Canada and move to Nigeria to just chill and I was like but daddy, I have a job and I’m doing my MBA I can’t just move and I could tell he didn’t really get it, so to hear this woooow blown away. God is really moving…..
There is still SOOOO much to say about what I've learned about myself in the last 3 months BUT baby steps sha until I can write the wrap up for the year. And even if I’m late, at the end of the day it is still my blog so I can legit do what I want.
That was actually therapeutic to write even though its 12:56am here, and I should get to bed because I have all day class tomorrow on SATURDAY!!! Why do people schedule classes on Saturday ?! that could be another blog post….till next time
Ibiyemi