So it's Jan 1, 2026; I guess I'm choosing hope.

Ibiyemi Balogun
Jan 1
4 min read

Last night was great. I had a really impactful conversation with my brother, and he put a lot of things into perspective for me. We talked about entrepreneurship, mindset, faith, hope for the future, and the importance of counting our blessings. We then went around as a family, recounting what we were grateful for in 2025 and what we hope for in 2026, and then prayed into the new year.

I realize now that 2025 really did a number on my mental health, especially the second half of the year. I struggled with understanding what God was doing and why He was stripping away all the things that are near and dear to my heart. So many things that I thought were solid about my identity, my intentions, my relationships, my career & business, my finances, my lifestyle, and my endurance were just thrown into flux, and I spent the time just grappling for stability, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically.

When I sang the worship song “Nothing else” by Cody Carnes, I don’t think I meant it literally.

For context, the bridge of the song goes

I just want you, Nothing else

Nothing else, Nothing else will do

I just want you, Jesus

Repeated 5-6 times.

It was like, I had a really lovely dinner table set with my plates, cups, silverware, food, candles, and tablescaping, and God just grabbed the 2 corners of the tablecloth and whipped it. Everything on the table went flying, plates and cups shattered, water poured, food splattered on the walls, candles burned the tablecloth cloth and I was just left standing there, mouth open with tears in my eyes, wondering “what just happened”. While simultaneously asking why, lord, and trying to salvage the potatoes, glue the pieces of plate back together, and attempting to stop the fire. It was just a massive shock to me, and I started to question, “Who am I if I’m not this label and that label?”

God started showing me slowly - Ibiyemi, the bread was moldy, and the wine was going bad, and there was a scorpion on your tablecloth trying to bite you, and the room was being filled with poisonous gas. You couldn’t see it because the dinner table looked like everything you’ve always wanted, but it wasn’t good for you.

I wish my first response was “thank you, God, for showing me all the things that were wrong, thank you for saving me and re-directing me,” but it wasn’t. My first response was shock and then disillusionment and then grief, and I’m lowkey still waiting to get to gratitude.

Shock because I really thought I had “done the work,” so why was I being punished or blindsided yet again? I thought the last 3 years were already so transitional, why were there sooooo many major transitions AGAIN?

Shock led me to disillusionment. I literally had to look up the word because I didn’t fully understand it. The dictionary describes disillusionment as being disappointed in something or someone that one discovers to be less good than one had believed initially. I was disillusioned by my own progress. I thought that because I had gone through so many transitions already, God owed me the “best life”. What I realized is that I had just been running from deep pain and highlighting it as growth. I found out that I’ve actually been suppressing my emotions, judging and analysing how I feel rather than actually “feeling my feelings”.

Disillusionment led to grief. A deep sadness because I had lost myself, close relationships, and the picture of my life I had built.

Grief because I betrayed myself over and over again because I was/am a people pleaser.

Grief because I lost a lot of my comforts and coping mechanisms, because I had to face myself

Grief because I played “small” to make other people comfortable, and almost lost my voice

It was A LOT I can’t lie….and I can’t sit here and say that because it's now 2026, I’m leaving all these feelings in 2025 because the clock moved. What I am saying is “I’m choosing hope”. I know it’s risky to hope again after a hard year, trust me, it's taking a long time to get to hope, but I’m choosing to try again. However, I am hoping to do things differently because "nothing changes if nothing changes". I have no idea what this new approach looks like…in the past, I’ve done vision boards, visioning exercises, reflection series, journaling, new year's resolutions, full year business and life planning, I’ve even tried NOT planning at all (2021-2023 for obvious reasons). Some of it worked, some of it didn’t, so if you have any ideas, I’m open to suggestions.

I think what I know for sure in 2026 is:

I’m choosing hope

I’m feeling my feelings

I’m going to try my best to let go of the past

I’m surrendering to God

I’m hoping to find joy again

I wish these were more concrete, but in the famous words of Mariah Carey, “Imma do the best I can with what I got”.