Eyooooo, It’s me again, reporting to you from 5 am because I went to bed super early last night. If you saw the blog title you know we are talking about looooove today. A topic that is bitter-sweet (more so sweet these days) for me. As I tussled around in bed for the last hour or so, I started thinking and reflecting on my journey with love this year and inevitably started jotting down what I learned. As I started to write down what I learned, I started to get encouraged so I figured I would share for anyone that needs encouragement as we hurtle towards the end of the year. True story a coaching client of mine used the phrase “hurtling towards 2024” which I thought was hilarious at first but very apt.
Without further ado, these are some of the lessons on love I got in 2023.
Don’t Settle - This was the biggest lesson tbh; love can be sweet, it doesn’t have to look like settling for crumbs. This mindset shift allowed me to let go of a lot of fear surrounding romantic relationships. I used to think the only way to “find love” was to be a version of myself that was more “acceptable”. I’m here to tell you, sisters, someone can like you, for you! The you that cries when watching animated movies, the you that LOVES and FEELS hard, the you that sometimes overshares, the you that is chronically bloated and needs to lay off gluten 😅, the prayer warrior you, the you that errs on the side of coaching at times. The you that is loud in restaurants and sends approximately 7 reels per hour. The you that is sometimes insecure and needs reassurance and affection. The you that is committed to growing and evolving every single day. That you can be loved wholeheartedly.
Love can be RISKY - It can be risky because it requires vulnerability. I don’t know if you know anything about vulnerability but in my experience, it’s extremely uncomfortable. What people don’t talk about is how vulnerability can sting! Just because you open up doesn’t automatically mean your partner will and sometimes it will feel like you are left hanging. Learning to sit in uncomfortable moments is the hallmark of being an adult. Eventually, your partner can learn that it’s safe to be vulnerable and can open up as well. Did you see how I keep saying “can”? Well, that’s because it is not always guaranteed. Remember uncomfortable moments are OK an uncomfortable life is not.
Your individual and separate mental health is important for the unit - if you have anxiety and depression it will affect your relationship (duh….). If he is burnt out it will also affect the relationship. If you are both at 30% it’s going to be interesting to get to a full 100% capacity. Go easy on yourselves.
Relationships can be both hard AND good - hard because it’s a mirror! You hear this all the time but when you experience it wooosh…. A lot of your “stuff” comes bubbling to the surface that would have never come up without the catalyst of a relationship. Embrace it, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.
Healing is NOT linear - again, a lot of these points seem very obvious but what does it really mean? It means that things that you thought you “healed from” can still be triggers. I beg you with all my might, don’t let the insecurities of your past relationships dictate your current relationship. Don’t sabotage what God is trying to do with this new one because you are afraid. Your fear is valid, but your growth is validerrrrr 🤣🤣, that sounded better in my head.
The Peanut Gallery is soooooo LOUD - the peanut gallery, in this case, is social media and people projecting their own relationship fears onto you. This doesn’t mean you should have a relationship in a vacuum ooo. It means, make sure to seek counsel and advice from your immediate friends and family who have context and your best interest at heart.
Invite God in at the beginning - Be Obedient to his nudging, his timing, and his voice it will save you the heartache.
Be Honest - even if it hurts or is embarrassing; I know that we are all Baddies and believe that we don’t have anything that trips us up LOL but this is 2023 it’s time we learn to communicate. Communicate your boundaries, your hopes, your fears, your dreams etc. Even if you have to practice with your therapist first and you break out in a huge sweat while having the hard conversation (Not speaking from experience of course 😅).
Relationships don’t fix loneliness, God does.
Life be Lifing, all up and through your relationship - One moment you have the cute dates, the quality time, the hand-holding, the cuddles, and the next moment you’ve packed your bags and moved across the world because it’s better for your mental health 🤷🏾♀️. Essentially life comes at you fast.
Love is all around you - First of all the God of the universe loves you. I mean, God himself who is love decided that you are worth loving, don’t disqualify yourself from love. Choose to see yourself the way He sees you. Secondly, you have people in your life that love you. Your friends, family, church community, co-workers, clients, (some of your exes 🤣), and everything in between. Embrace it.
The final lesson I have learned about love in 2023 is that sometimes you meet the “right guy” at the “wrong time” or in the wrong season. Don’t be afraid to let go and let God. Trusting in God’s timing for your life is difficult but ultimately so worth it......AND it's ok to cry about it on a rooftop in Lagos at 2 am while your friends drink and dance nearby (again, not speaking from experience here 😢😅.)
Ok wow; I’m done! I hope you can be encouraged by some of the things I learned about love in 2023. It was a rollercoaster of emotions but we move with so muchove into 2024. I am praying for a FULL and positive life of love for me and for you in 2024.
Till next time;
Your experiencer of love,
Ibiyemi